Neither Here Nor There

Neither Here Nor There by John SuddathNeither Here Nor There is a journey of self exploration and emotion. How do you become yourself, when everyone around you and your very moral code tells you that you can not be who you feel you are? How do you live a life in fear of discovery? Guilt, fear and self image clash in a battle of decades of soul searching as the reader joins one man's insights into survival against the conflicts of the soul.

It took 40 years to write Neither Here Nor There that is a chronicle of my struggle to reconcile being gay and being a Christian. One reviewer described the book as brutally honest, which I interpreted to mean that I didn't make any excuses or leave out any of the emotional crises that I faced in dealing with this struggle. I was neither here to be comfortable as gay because of my guilt nor there as a fully committed Christian because of my fear of exposure. And thus I strode the fence between two lives without being honest to either. I repressed my true nature and hid my anger at the discrimination of society so I took a long time to fully accept who I am and why I am that way. There are lots of coming out stories, and my mine doesn't pull any punches in describing the physical longing, the emotional loneliness or the spiritual emptiness of denying my religious beliefs. I tell names and have photos as well as set the context of the times in which I lived.

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Review of Neither Here Nor There by Amos Lassen